Sunday, April 19, 2015

Weekly Prompt Story: Let's Create a Pantheon

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=27283

On Matters of Faith
By Christopher Munroe

I don’t need to create a God, one’s been provided.

Dionysus, God of theatre, music and drinking. He covers all the bases I need, and he’s incredibly easy to worship!

When I’m at a bar, he’s with me, when I open my mouth to let music out into the world, he’s there. Every act of worship is a celebration, every celebration an act of worship.

Sometimes I go door-to-door, drunk out of my mind, to preach his gospel.

The results are rarely positive.

Police have been called more than once.


Still, other than that, Dionysus has been very rewarding, deity-wise…

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Friendship

Nothing in this world is more important than friendship.

Your friends, after all, your true friends, are the ones you’ll need through your life, the ones who’ll always be there for you, the ones you can truly count on. And that’s a valuable thing, perhaps the most valuable thing in the world.

That’s the power of friendship.

I know who my best friend is, for example, because he gave me a kidney.

It wasn’t his, and I didn’t need a kidney, and the less we think about where he got it the better off we’ll be, but still, it was an incredibly thoughtful gift. And nicely wrapped, to boot.

Wetly wrapped, soggily really, but nicely.

And it was wonderful to receive, very much appreciated. I still have it, mounted to my wall as a conversation piece.

A profoundly disturbing, probably illegal conversation piece.

I can’t take it down.

I wouldn’t want him to think I didn’t appreciate his gift, after all.

I wouldn’t want him to think I don’t value his friendship.

After all, the man harvests kidneys…

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Weekly Prompt Story: Pan

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=27274

A Life Lived with Style
By Christopher Munroe

I go through life with grace and aplomb.

Grace and aplomb, in case you didn’t know, is like swagger for people who AREN’T reprehensible douche-bags.

There’s a poise to it, a style too absent from this vulgar modern age, and I’ve made it my personal mission to restore that indefinable quality, that dignity, that It Factor, to all my dealings with the world.

Panache, I suppose you could call it. Or quiet, elegant dignity.

And dignity has always been my watchword.


No, wait, I misspoke, that doesn’t describe me at all. I’d meant the opposite of every part of that…

Friday, April 10, 2015

Babies

Hello.

I know that it’s been more than a year since we’ve spoken, and given the circumstances surrounding the end of our relationship I imagine that I’m the last person you’d want to hear from. Trust me, I don’t relish this any more than you do, if I could avoid speaking to you the rest of my life I would do so gladly, but unfortunately that option isn’t open to me.

I’m forced by circumstance, you see, to get back in touch with you, because I’ve received some news that you, whether you like it or not, both need to know and deserve to hear from me, so as not to have it come to you through the grapevine. So, while this communication is no doubt unpleasant for the both of us, I hope that you will grit your teeth and suffer through this letter, as I have gritted mine and written it.

One of my exes, you see, has recently given birth to a baby.

I was with her before you and I ever met, I’m not sure you and she even know each other frankly, but the fact remains, I was with her, then I was with you, and now she has a baby.

And, as you know, babies are sexually transmitted.

She’s not sure when she contracted baby, exactly, but as she is a generally responsible person she’s made it known to everyone she’s ever been intimate with that the baby had been born, so that we might know and respond accordingly. While she and I were together we always did our best to be safe, but no form of protection is 100% effective and there’s a small chance that she may have passed her baby along to me.

I have a test scheduled to find out for certain, one way or the other, and I’m contacting you, as well as everyone else in my sexual history, to inform you that you ought to schedule one yourself. This might be nothing, obviously, it’s probably nothing. I haven’t been sexually intimate with her in years and if I had passed a baby on to you chances are that by this late date you’d be showing some symptoms, but still you deserve at least a heads up so as to take appropriate steps.

Get tested at your earliest convenience, and alert whatever men or women you may’ve slept with since me that there is a small chance that you’ve given them baby. As I mentioned, it’s probably nothing, but better safe than sorry, and the sooner you get tested the sooner you can have peace of mind about the issue, assuming you aren’t with child.

And, if you are, I’m deeply, deeply sorry. Our breakup was enormously painful, the blood between us is bad, I acknowledge that freely, but nonetheless it was never my intention to afflict you thusly. I do not, frankly, like you. I do not think you are a good person. But in spite of all that transpired between us, I would never wish a baby on you in even my darkest, angriest moments. But even if the worst-case scenario proves to be true, take heart. Medical science and societal attitudes toward people with babies have come along way in recent years and, while the prospect might seem horrific, this is not the end for you even if I DID somehow manage give you a baby.


Many people with children nowadays, approaching things with the right attitude and appropriate support, go on to lead rich, fulfilling lives….

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Weekly Prompt Story: Pen

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=27263

On Pens
By Christopher Munroe

You can’t OWN a pen.

They’re like butterflies that way. Or disposable lighters. They don’t BELONG to anyone, they simply are. They’re out in the world, existing, and while one might stay with you for a while, the time will inevitably come when it must move on.

Somebody will borrow your pen and, thoughtlessly, it will be put in that  person’s pocket, never to be seen again.

And, when that comes, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. It’s pointless to try.


Just say goodbye to your pen, remember the time you and it shared fondly, and move on…

Friday, April 3, 2015

Convention Plans

I intend to organize, in the near future, a gathering of like-minded Trekkies for a weekend-long celebration of the second, and best, of the Star Trek films. Over the course of the weekend the film will be shown, its fans can meet and greet one another, a cosplay contest will be held and forums on topics related to the making of the film will be well attended.

Shatner will be there. So will Takei.

While this is occurring in the convention hall, a Trek-themed fairground, complete with carnival rides, roller coasters, a ferris wheel and what have you, will be taking place in what outdoor space is available. It is here that the Chili cook-off will take place, with free meals at all hours of the day for any attendees who might find themselves hungry.

And then on Sunday, to cap things off, a kick-line of French dancers, each in a sexy replica of a Star Trek bridge-crew uniform, will perform an interpretive dance in tribute to the film. It will be magical.

I will charge $50 for a weekend pass and everyone will agree that, considering the amount of entertainment that I’m claiming will be available, this price is very reasonable. Tickets will quickly sell out.

Then I will take all the money raised, put it in my pocket and, quietly, skip town, never to be seen again.


THIS is my Wrath of Khan Con Con-Carne Carnie Can-Can Con, and my hope is that people will be amused enough by the bit not to notice that I’ve robbed them…

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Weekly Prompt Story: Connect

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=27220


Theories
By Christopher Munroe

Correct me if I’m wrong…

But vaccines cause deadly genetic defects, while measles, mumps and rubella are minor illnesses that are easy to deal with.

Immigration is an ISIS conspiracy to spread Ebola.

It’s not just Obama, EVERY president was secretly a Muslim.

Fluoridated drinking water is a plot by the UN to, as part of agenda 21, turn our children into communists via mind control.

The world itself is hollow, and the lizard men who rule us in conjunction with the illuminati live in its core.

…what, I AM wrong?

Which part?

All of it?

Oh. Okay. My mistake…